coupling
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Jeff: I've got the key to the gates of paradise but I have too many legs!
Jeff: No, not so much can't, he won't. At the last minute he gets all sentimental.
Jeff: Sex can be very stressful for men. You judge us on technique, sensitivity, stamina...we're just happy if you're naked...half naked...one breast.
Jeff: Yeah, during a panic attack - I was blind!
Jeff: No, no! That's the left, we want the good one.
Jeff: Yeah, the pause is like a whole third person in the conversation, only not saying much...like Patrick.
Jeff: My advice is to get them off right after your shoes and before your trousers...that's the sock gap. Miss it and suddenly you're a naked man in socks. No self-respecting woman with let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her.
Steve: What do you mean foreplay?
Jeff: When we finally get our hands on the gear, let me tell you, it's not a drill. We're supposed to fly those babies the first time we get in them.
Jeff: I bet Patrick could pull lesbians...he'd confuse them with his haircut.
Jeff: Well, it's kind of hard to tell isn't it 'cos you tend to fast forward if anyone's dressed. Sometimes I forget and do that with proper films. I can get through a lot of movies in an evening.
Jeff: I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding. Besides, you give breasts the power of independent thought and the next thing that happens they don't get on.
Jeff: Do you know what would be the best way to wipe out all of human kind if you were a space alien with a special kind of mind ray..? Make all women telepathic. Because if they suddenly found out about the kind of stuff that goes on in our heads they would kill us all on the spot. Men are not people - we are disgustoids in human form.
Jeff: She thinks I'm a mute with a balance problem.
Jeff: I've got all that disgustoid stuff in my head now, what if I say gusset accidentally?!
Jeff: She's leaving the country...she doesn't speak English...I insulted her friend's breasts...and she thinks I collect women's ears in a bucket.
Jeff: You know what, there's something I've always wanted to say and, erm, now I feel that at long last I can. Breasts. Breasts, breasts, breasts, breasts, breasts!
Jeff: There's a supermodel who shags total prats and I don't know where she lives..
Jeff: I love the word naked, it's brilliant isn't it, 'naked'. When I was a kid I used to write the word naked on a bit of paper hundreds of times and rub my face in it.
Jeff: It's not Steve's fault. You can't blame Steve. It's the cupboards fault. There's too much nudity in the cupboard.
Jeff: We can't help ourselves. We hone in, we're drawn, like perverted moths'.
Patrick: That's your foreplay tip? Socks?
Jeff: Many men have fallen through the sock gap Patrick. Under the sexual arena of earthly delight, there lurks a deadly pit of socks.
Howard: [trying to explain to Jane that he's gay] ] : Jane! I AM GAY! And I've always, always been gay! I was the sperm at the back shouting "No! Don't send me into that big scary cave!" I was the only sperm who had to be chased by the egg. Don't you get it? I'm gay.
[Talking to Jane and Susan]
Sally: At least you've been in there with Patrick. I've passed on my opportunity to be "Patricked."
Jane: I don't know. I've just felt really horny lately. Let me tell you, if there weren't so many guys after me, you two would be in trouble.
Sally: God, I don't think I could ever sleep with another woman. What if she had a smaller bottom than me?
Susan: Excuse me! I'm on tape in my ex-boyfriend's closet, very nude and very pornographic. Where does bottoms fit in on the crisis scale?
Sally: Bottoms are their own crisis scale. It's just amazing how they fallow you, but keep growing and growing and growing. I bet mine's having a secret snacking right now.
[Steve's girlfriend has found a pornographic video in his VCR.]
Jeff: Well, what was the title of the video?
Steve: "Inferno."
Jeff: Oh, no!
Patrick: Well, what's wrong with "Inferno?" You can't tell anything from a title like that.
Steve: That's not the whole title.
Patrick: Well, what is it?
Sally: "Lesbian Spank Inferno!"
[Angus, staring at Mariella, opens a can of soda, which sprays all over Mariella.]
Angus Deayton: Sorry about that.
Mariella Frostrup: Oh, don't worry about it. It happens to a lot of guys.
[beat]
Mariella Frostrup: Did I really just say that?
Jeff: [in Steve's dream] Excellent!
Steve: How do you keep ending up in my dreams?
Jeff: It's a gift.
Jeff: When God made the arse, he didn't say, 'Hey, it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early.' He said, 'Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name!
Steve: Because he's Jeff, and there's no known cure.
Jeff: Maybe you've fallen into a relationship thing.
Steve: Thing? Yet you have 8000 words for breasts.
Jeff: And counting.
Jeff: Its like a feedback loop. You're somewhere quiet. There's people. Its a solemn occasion - say, a wedding. No - it's a minutes silence for someone who's died. The minute is ticking away... tick tock tick tock... and suddenly this thought pops into your head - The worst thing you can do in a minute silence is laugh. And you almost do, as an automatic reaction. But then, you think how awful it would have been if you HAD laughed, and you almost laugh again, only its a bigger laugh. But, then you think how funny it would have been if you'd laughed that bigger laugh, but this time the laugh is an enormous laugh. Let this one out and you get whiplash! So you're standing there, in this quiet room, shoulders going like you're drilling the road, and what do you think of the situation? Dear Christ! You think its funny!
Jeff: We were just spending a quiet evening in front of the television. In the course of events I swallowed some of her jewelry.
Steve: You what?
Jeff: There was a swallowage incident. I swallowed an item.
Steve: Right?
Jeff: Now normally when I swallow some of Julia's jewelry
Steve: No no, Jeff please. Normally...has never been used in the sentence before
Jeff: Well, you know what it's like when you've got your own actual real life girlfriend. It's like you got a woman with a nudity switch. Sometimes when she's laying there and she's just so so totally naked, I can't control myself. I just sort of hoover.
Steve: Ok.
Jeff: Obviously now and then in the course of any nudity hoovering you're gonna ingest an item. Now normally, I remain calm, let nature take it's course, and in due time slip the relevant item back into her jewelry box.
Steve: I see.
Jane: I have twelve breasts!! Sorry, I was rounding up.
Susan: Jane's breasts scare me. They're like Mickey Mouse's ears. No matter which way you turn, they're still facing you.
Steve: Look, it is not physically possible for a man to know what a woman wants. Which is very unfair. Because you always know what we want.
Patrick: Yeah, because we always have the common decency to only ever want one thing. And do you ever thank us for making it so simple? Never.
Sally: I don't want Mr. Superbly, Incredibly Fantasticness. I want you.
Patrick: Oh, for God's sake, Sally.
Sally: What? WHAT?
Patrick: I was talking about me!
Sally: You're Mr. Superbly, Incredibly Whatever?!?
Patrick: [gesturing to self] Well, yeah!
Susan: Some men were born lucky. Some men were born very lucky.
Sally: What was Patrick born?
Susan: A tripod.
[Susan is about to show the others one of her breasts.]
Susan: Well? Which one do you want? The left one or the right one?
Patrick: The right one.
[To others]
Patrick: Trust me.
Susan: Why? What's wrong with the left one?
Patrick: Now, don't be like that. There has to be a second place.
Susan: Well, I wasn't aware you were judging them individually!
Patrick: You were asleep! I was bored!
Sally: Steve, as your girlfriend's best friend, I am, to you, a bit like Australia.
Steve: Australia?
Sally: Yes. Very distant, largely uninhabitable, and with areas of great danger.
Steve: Oh. I thought it was about having a lot of convicts.
Jane: What the hell do you take me for, Steve? I'm not trying to lure you back into bed with my dead aunt!
Steve: That could so easily be misinterpreted...
Steve: Jeff, every morning I wake up glad I'm not you.
Jeff: Me too.
Steve: I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die!
Jane: Do they really call me the one with the breast?
Susan: Yes.
Jane: Then what do they call you?
Susan: Susan.
Dizinin yapımcısı Steven Moffat'ın yazdıklarına bi bakın derim :|
bi de yuz kaslari...
dun yine zirve yapti, hem de ne zirve. bu adamlar bu oykuleri nasil kuruyor, bu nasi bi beceri anlayamiyorum.
steve'in konusmasi da gercekten ayakta alkislanmayi hak ediyordu.
jeffsiz ne kadar tadı olur bilmem
susan'in tuvalet kilidini kaldirmasinin ardindan steve su patlamayi yapmistir.
We are MEN! Throughout history we have always needed, in times of difficulties, to retreat to our caves. It so happens, in this modern age, that our caves are fully plumbed. The toilet for us is..... the last bastion......... the final refuge....... the LAST FEW SQUARE FEET of "man space" left to us!
Somewhere to sit, somewhere to read, something to do. And who gives a DA&N about the smell! But that, for us, is happiness. Because we are MEN! We are different. We have only one word for soap. We do not own candles. We have never seen anything of ANY value IN A CRAFTSHOP! We do not own magazines full of photographs of celebrities with all their clothes... ON!
When we have conversations, we actually TAKE IT IN TURNS TO TALK!
We have not yet reached the level of EARTHSHATTERING BOREDOM and INHUMAN DESPAIR where we would have a haircut...... RECREATIONALLY!!
We do not know how to get excited about..... really, REALLY BORING THINGS like ornaments..... bath oil...... the countryside..... vases... small churches. I mean, we do not even know what..... WHAT..... in the name of GOD'S ARSE is the purpose of POTPOURRI!! Looks like breakfast, smells like your auntie. Why do we need that??
So please..... in this strange and frightening world..... allow us one last place to call our own. This toilet. This.... blessed pot, this...... fortress of solitude.
You girls..... you only go to the toilet in groups of two or more. We do not pass comment. We do not make judgement. That is your choice.
But we men..... will ALWAYS walk the toilet mile.... ALONE!
bi dizide gordugum en muthis tirad mi desem, erkek-kadin farkinin en uc sekilde anlatimi mi desem, ne desem...
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